5 tips for a productive day with children
1) Arrive at doctor's appointment 1 hour early
Vitally important as it will a) maximize the time between last home bathroom trips ensuring you will HAVE to take at least one child to the bathroom prior to being seen; b) allow your children to engage with other children in the waiting room -- it may even facilitate some group play. Be prepared for weeping and wailing as children are plucked from the play area one by one; c) give mommy a chance to regretfully reflect on all the things she could have done at home with this extra hour.
2) Forget to bring stroller for non-ambulating child.
This will contribute to your daily aerobic exercise (known to decrease stress) as well as help in developing dexterity (see explanation). Note, all beneficial effects of this negated by a shopping cart. Often, this works best when you want to take ambulating child to the "mall park" to eat lunch. Park as far away from the mall as possible, and then walk briskly while balancing non-ambulating child, oblong lunch tupperware, and diaper bag, and holding waving arm of ambulating child. Don't feel too discouraged if you have to stop every 8-10 feet to pick up fallen objects, dexterity comes with practice.
3) Stand in at least two wrong lines back to back
This gives your children practice in people pleasing skills as they make faces, imitate, and laugh at those in front and behind you. Once you are at the end of the wrong line, make sure that you stand at the window with the wrong agent at least 5 minutes while you wait for this wrong agent to figure out they are the wrong agent and help you figure out what line you were supposed to stand in. Make sure you pick a window that is high enough so the agent can't see your children. This maximizes your children's vocal skills. Since they can't see the agent, they will make sure the agent HEARS them. If you don't think they are making enough noise for the agent to notice them, hold your non-ambulating child between your legs to prevent him from crawling across the room toward random strangers. You are guaranteed to get crying and screaming on demand.
4) Have a policeman tell you "Honey, I don't envy you at all"
This is not what you want to hear if pulled over. However, if said after policeman happens to watch you for 15 minutes as you expertly handle two squirmy children while waiting in line at a DMV, consider it a back-handed complement....
5) Have ambulating child dump contents of cheerio and chex boxes onto the floor for non-ambulating child to eat.
I suggest that you just go with the flow and allow your children to eat supper on the kitchen floor. A little dust won't hurt them...especially if your non-ambulating child is squealing with delight over this new found mountain of food while shoveling it into his mouth as fast as his chubby hands can gather it up.
Vitally important as it will a) maximize the time between last home bathroom trips ensuring you will HAVE to take at least one child to the bathroom prior to being seen; b) allow your children to engage with other children in the waiting room -- it may even facilitate some group play. Be prepared for weeping and wailing as children are plucked from the play area one by one; c) give mommy a chance to regretfully reflect on all the things she could have done at home with this extra hour.
2) Forget to bring stroller for non-ambulating child.
This will contribute to your daily aerobic exercise (known to decrease stress) as well as help in developing dexterity (see explanation). Note, all beneficial effects of this negated by a shopping cart. Often, this works best when you want to take ambulating child to the "mall park" to eat lunch. Park as far away from the mall as possible, and then walk briskly while balancing non-ambulating child, oblong lunch tupperware, and diaper bag, and holding waving arm of ambulating child. Don't feel too discouraged if you have to stop every 8-10 feet to pick up fallen objects, dexterity comes with practice.
3) Stand in at least two wrong lines back to back
This gives your children practice in people pleasing skills as they make faces, imitate, and laugh at those in front and behind you. Once you are at the end of the wrong line, make sure that you stand at the window with the wrong agent at least 5 minutes while you wait for this wrong agent to figure out they are the wrong agent and help you figure out what line you were supposed to stand in. Make sure you pick a window that is high enough so the agent can't see your children. This maximizes your children's vocal skills. Since they can't see the agent, they will make sure the agent HEARS them. If you don't think they are making enough noise for the agent to notice them, hold your non-ambulating child between your legs to prevent him from crawling across the room toward random strangers. You are guaranteed to get crying and screaming on demand.
4) Have a policeman tell you "Honey, I don't envy you at all"
This is not what you want to hear if pulled over. However, if said after policeman happens to watch you for 15 minutes as you expertly handle two squirmy children while waiting in line at a DMV, consider it a back-handed complement....
5) Have ambulating child dump contents of cheerio and chex boxes onto the floor for non-ambulating child to eat.
I suggest that you just go with the flow and allow your children to eat supper on the kitchen floor. A little dust won't hurt them...especially if your non-ambulating child is squealing with delight over this new found mountain of food while shoveling it into his mouth as fast as his chubby hands can gather it up.
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