Shopping with four
Today I ventured out to the mall with four children (5 y/o Anu, 3 y/o Amy, 18 m/o Nathaniel, and 18 m/o Michael) and their mom (Doyin). I hope to never forget the experience.
Our goal was to leave for the mall around 10:00. Spend a few hours, eat lunch, and then get home by 3 or 4 pm.
First mistake. We should have made launching goal 9:00 and then maybe we would have been out of the house by 10...maybe. By the time we got lunches packed and loaded, the girls pottied (and repottied), everyone watered, the two boys diapered (and re-diapered), everyone's socks on (and off and then on again...), and all shoes finally tied it was 11:00. It took another 10 minutes to get everyone loaded and buckled into our van. After all tears were wiped ("I want MOMMA to buckle ME!") we were finally on our way.
Unloading four independent, confident, and vocal individuals is not for the fainthearted. At least we had two strollers which both boys were immediately confined to (amidst cries of protest) thus preventing parking lot havoc. The girls were savvy enough to avoid oncoming traffic and walked beside us without too much protest.
Sears was our first stop because they have shopping carts! Of course, both girls immediately wanted their OWN shopping cart. That would have been fine had they wanted to PUSH the carts. But since they wanted to RIDE and we already had two strollers we were trying to push, we opted for them to both sit in ONE shopping cart. Thus we began our caravan through the store with three rolling objects and two adults. Unfortunately most of our desired shopping was on the second level. Sears has thoughtfully placed an elevator near the mall entrance to the store. Unfortunately, several clothing racks and manicans have formed a nice blockade of the entrance. Not deterred, we attempted to navigate around the clothes. I think we did well as I took out only one rack of coats while trying to make my cart do a pretzel like maneuver around a manican.
Finally on second floor, we began our shopping in earnest. I think we got through half a clothing rack. Suddenly, all four children realized they were confined to a non-moving child container. Oh no, what torture.
"I want out!" "WAAAAAAAA." "Mommy get me out so I can help." "Dow, dow, momma, dow, dow." "Aunty Rachel I need to get out."
Second mistake. Somehow, Doyin and I delusionally thought that if we let them out the noise would stop, they would peacefully stand next to us, and we could continue shopping in relative peace. Ha.
As soon as the boys were unbuckled, each took off in a separate direction--Michael toward the household goods and Nat toward the women's plus sizes. Both boys were promptly recollected amidst verbal protests. All was fine for about 30 seconds before it was brought to my attention (by Anu) that Michael was trying to make friends with a random stranger in the bedding section. He was immediately brought back. We had 2 minutes of tranquil silence. Somehow we sifted through another two racks of clothes. Before a new issue arose: impending starvation.
"I'm hungy. "Eat, eat, eat." "Mommy, I want soup." "Eat, eat, eat."Glancing at the clock confirmed their biological clocks were in sync with the cultural delusion that lunch must be consumed at 12:00 for maximum peace, happiness, and security (at least food security).
Leaving the shopping cart wasn't a big deal since a kind clerk offered to stow our unpurchased merchandise until our return.
We dragged our motley crew toward the mall plaza which has several nice tables, chairs, and a restroom conveniently nearby. Although there are several mall fast food joints, the mall is being remodeled and currently only one is open (nondescript Asian food). By the time we arrived both boys were convinced that death was imminent and were yelling their last rites. Doyin and I quickly pulled two adjacent tables together to make room for our crew of six and started to wash dirty fingers and hand out sandwiches. We were thankful that aside from one poor lady at an adjacent table, we were the only other diners.
Somehow, in the midst of the cacophony of noise I noticed a commotion coming from the Asian lady manning the Asian food stand. She was frantically yelling at a security guard and motioning in our direction. The security guard was clearly confused. He finally pointed to me and asked if I had bought food from her establishment. I stated "no, we brought our own food." The lady then let out a torrent of Asian English the gist of which was that we were taking up space in front of HER restaurant and thus would prevent other customers from finding a place to sit (never mind there were at least SIX other EMPTY tables surrounding us) and that we MUST find another place to eat. The security guard kept trying to explain that this was a MALL PLAZA and thus owned by the MALL and that anyone who wanted to could sit and eat at ANY table. This went on for a while and the security guard finally came over and apologized to us, assured us we could eat there, and to ignore this lady. So we sat down to eat our lunch with Vesuvious only 20 feet away. All was well until Amy suddenly cried, "Mommy, my tummy hurts, I have to burp, now." Translation: Mommy you have less than 30 seconds to get me to the bathroom before I vomit over everything. AHHHHH.
I whisked her to the bathroom, where she sat for a few minutes "waiting for the burp" that thankfully never came. It was then I remembered her soup had green beans. Amy is allergic to green beans. Often, her only sign of allergic reaction is an upset stomach immediately upon ingestion of the offending substance. She hadn't had more than a few bites of the broth (actually hadn't ingested a green bean) but it was enough to upset her stomach and ruin the rest of her lunch.
After an appropriate waiting period, I convinced myself she wouldn't actually throw up and we returned to my unfinished lunch. To my surprise, the security guard was back AGAIN. The lady was insistent that we shouldn't be sitting in front of her restaurant if we hadn't ordered any food. "This is a VERY busy time, they will not allow my customers to find a seat." Never mind that there were still SIX empty tables and only TWO additional people had come to order food in the last 30 minutes. The lady sitting adjacent to us had already left by now (after commiserating with us about the rude attendant) and the two new customers were now enjoying their food at her vacated spot. Another hot discussion ensued with the security guard actually bringing the mall policy book and showing her that YES these were MALL tables and NO she could NOT force us to leave. Yawn. Some people just don't get it.
We finally got the kids fed and sticky appendages wiped down. Despite a milk spill, our area looked better than when we found it (we didn't want the mall to regret sticking up for us!). Now back to the business of shopping.
We didn't make much progress. Poignant odors emanating from Nat's hinder parts assured us a trip to the bathroom was mandatory. Unfortunately, we were nearly out of wipes. No problem for Doyin. Fifteen minutes and several wads of toilet paper later, Nat emerged fragrance free. Now Michael's turn. Thankfully he had only pee-pee. It took another 5-10 minutes to process all the toiletry needs of the moms and girls but finally everyone was toilet and hands were washed to everyone satisfaction (except for Michael who would still be washing his hands with precious "wa-wa" if mean momma hadn't interrupted his faucet extravaganza).
Now we were back shopping in earnest. The next two hours were interspersed with
"Michael hands off, no you must not pull all the socks out of the bin and NO don't put your finger's in your mouth, you just touched the ground."
"NOOOOO Nat, don't pull all the cars down (why someone has toy cars in a clothing store???)"
"YIKES Michael has pulled everything off this rack."
"WAAAAA WAAAAAAA."
"Oh no, Michael's fallen AGAIN."
"Where's Michael/Nathaniel/Amy/Anu......"
Somehow we still managed to find a few articles we deemed suitable to try on. Frankly, I was relieved to be headed to the fitting room--at least it would keep the two boys confined. As the area was quiet and the rooms themselves seemed void of customers, I allowed the boys to open and close the doors. This freedom gave them great delight--and also gave us a momentary reprieve just sufficient to model our loot. Most items didn't work--necessitating a quick trip to find more appropriate sizes. While we were gone, a fellow customer slipped into the handicapped fitting stall to quickly try on a few items. Unfortunately, she was VERY quiet, and more unfortunately she didn't lock her door. Since I had JUST been in the room, both boys thought it fair game to explore at our return, which resulted in a very surprised half-clothed lady finding herself face to face with two excited little 18 mo old boys and their VERY embarrassed mother(s) (Doyin was in her own fitting stall when this event occurred). I did my best to adequately apologize and the lady was very gracious but the changing room was vacated a bit more promptly than probably originally planned.
By now, we had pretty much used our probationary time. The children were DONE shopping. I mean DONE. Both boys were crying, Anu was pouting, and Amy was contankerous. It was time to wrap up and check out. By now we had TWO shopping carts and TWO strollers. Nat was placed in a shopping cart, Michael and Amy in the two strollers. Anu was commissioned to push Michael's stroller. I pushed Amy's and pulled one of the shopping carts. Doyin pulled the other cart with screaming Nat. We made it to the register around 4:30pm (fully 1 hour and 30 minutes past our projected stop time!). Of course, Nat had to have another blow out stool just as we started ringing up my items. Doyin rushed him to the bathroom while I stayed to pay. Since we were shopping sears, I tried to pay for my clothes with my sears mastercard. It didn't go through. I immediately offered to pay with another card, but the cashier didn't want that and insisted on calling the sears mastercard hot line. TEN MINUTES LATER, my card was finally cleared for payment. By now, Nat was back and Michael had let himself out of the stroller. The boys were reeking havoc with the exhibits adjacent to our counter. I tolerated it with occasional remonstrances until they suddenly both bolted for the outside door--freedom! That was a bit too impudent and both boys were immediately deprived of any opportunity of further escape. The straps attached to all shopping carts became convenient restraints. Unfortunately, the boys weren't too happy with this new change in freedom and decided to let the whole store know about their distinct displeasure. They were such pictures of misery: tears streaming down their cheeks and heart rending sobs of "momma, dow, dow, dow." Anu seemed to think the arrangement a bit unfair as well and soon she was joining in the requiem. Not to be left out, Amy found her lack of an appropriate lunch to be especially troubling and added her wails of "Mommy, I'm hungry" to the discord.
Added to the hubbub, we had difficulty with three of the items Doyin wanted to purchase (not the correct size) and another clerk was called over to order them--which took an additional 20 minutes. Then the clerk who started ringing up Doyin's order left half way through (while we were checking on sizes and whether we could order them) and so the new clerk didn't know which item's he had already charged. Oh and of course my credit card didn't work AGAIN....
Somehow, someway all purchased items were accounted for, all the correct sizes ordered, and my credit card finally worked. It was 5:30. Despite it all as we walked to the car Doyin and I felt victorious: We made it through ONE store!!!!!
Our goal was to leave for the mall around 10:00. Spend a few hours, eat lunch, and then get home by 3 or 4 pm.
First mistake. We should have made launching goal 9:00 and then maybe we would have been out of the house by 10...maybe. By the time we got lunches packed and loaded, the girls pottied (and repottied), everyone watered, the two boys diapered (and re-diapered), everyone's socks on (and off and then on again...), and all shoes finally tied it was 11:00. It took another 10 minutes to get everyone loaded and buckled into our van. After all tears were wiped ("I want MOMMA to buckle ME!") we were finally on our way.
Unloading four independent, confident, and vocal individuals is not for the fainthearted. At least we had two strollers which both boys were immediately confined to (amidst cries of protest) thus preventing parking lot havoc. The girls were savvy enough to avoid oncoming traffic and walked beside us without too much protest.
Sears was our first stop because they have shopping carts! Of course, both girls immediately wanted their OWN shopping cart. That would have been fine had they wanted to PUSH the carts. But since they wanted to RIDE and we already had two strollers we were trying to push, we opted for them to both sit in ONE shopping cart. Thus we began our caravan through the store with three rolling objects and two adults. Unfortunately most of our desired shopping was on the second level. Sears has thoughtfully placed an elevator near the mall entrance to the store. Unfortunately, several clothing racks and manicans have formed a nice blockade of the entrance. Not deterred, we attempted to navigate around the clothes. I think we did well as I took out only one rack of coats while trying to make my cart do a pretzel like maneuver around a manican.
Finally on second floor, we began our shopping in earnest. I think we got through half a clothing rack. Suddenly, all four children realized they were confined to a non-moving child container. Oh no, what torture.
"I want out!" "WAAAAAAAA." "Mommy get me out so I can help." "Dow, dow, momma, dow, dow." "Aunty Rachel I need to get out."
Second mistake. Somehow, Doyin and I delusionally thought that if we let them out the noise would stop, they would peacefully stand next to us, and we could continue shopping in relative peace. Ha.
As soon as the boys were unbuckled, each took off in a separate direction--Michael toward the household goods and Nat toward the women's plus sizes. Both boys were promptly recollected amidst verbal protests. All was fine for about 30 seconds before it was brought to my attention (by Anu) that Michael was trying to make friends with a random stranger in the bedding section. He was immediately brought back. We had 2 minutes of tranquil silence. Somehow we sifted through another two racks of clothes. Before a new issue arose: impending starvation.
"I'm hungy. "Eat, eat, eat." "Mommy, I want soup." "Eat, eat, eat."Glancing at the clock confirmed their biological clocks were in sync with the cultural delusion that lunch must be consumed at 12:00 for maximum peace, happiness, and security (at least food security).
Leaving the shopping cart wasn't a big deal since a kind clerk offered to stow our unpurchased merchandise until our return.
We dragged our motley crew toward the mall plaza which has several nice tables, chairs, and a restroom conveniently nearby. Although there are several mall fast food joints, the mall is being remodeled and currently only one is open (nondescript Asian food). By the time we arrived both boys were convinced that death was imminent and were yelling their last rites. Doyin and I quickly pulled two adjacent tables together to make room for our crew of six and started to wash dirty fingers and hand out sandwiches. We were thankful that aside from one poor lady at an adjacent table, we were the only other diners.
Somehow, in the midst of the cacophony of noise I noticed a commotion coming from the Asian lady manning the Asian food stand. She was frantically yelling at a security guard and motioning in our direction. The security guard was clearly confused. He finally pointed to me and asked if I had bought food from her establishment. I stated "no, we brought our own food." The lady then let out a torrent of Asian English the gist of which was that we were taking up space in front of HER restaurant and thus would prevent other customers from finding a place to sit (never mind there were at least SIX other EMPTY tables surrounding us) and that we MUST find another place to eat. The security guard kept trying to explain that this was a MALL PLAZA and thus owned by the MALL and that anyone who wanted to could sit and eat at ANY table. This went on for a while and the security guard finally came over and apologized to us, assured us we could eat there, and to ignore this lady. So we sat down to eat our lunch with Vesuvious only 20 feet away. All was well until Amy suddenly cried, "Mommy, my tummy hurts, I have to burp, now." Translation: Mommy you have less than 30 seconds to get me to the bathroom before I vomit over everything. AHHHHH.
I whisked her to the bathroom, where she sat for a few minutes "waiting for the burp" that thankfully never came. It was then I remembered her soup had green beans. Amy is allergic to green beans. Often, her only sign of allergic reaction is an upset stomach immediately upon ingestion of the offending substance. She hadn't had more than a few bites of the broth (actually hadn't ingested a green bean) but it was enough to upset her stomach and ruin the rest of her lunch.
After an appropriate waiting period, I convinced myself she wouldn't actually throw up and we returned to my unfinished lunch. To my surprise, the security guard was back AGAIN. The lady was insistent that we shouldn't be sitting in front of her restaurant if we hadn't ordered any food. "This is a VERY busy time, they will not allow my customers to find a seat." Never mind that there were still SIX empty tables and only TWO additional people had come to order food in the last 30 minutes. The lady sitting adjacent to us had already left by now (after commiserating with us about the rude attendant) and the two new customers were now enjoying their food at her vacated spot. Another hot discussion ensued with the security guard actually bringing the mall policy book and showing her that YES these were MALL tables and NO she could NOT force us to leave. Yawn. Some people just don't get it.
We finally got the kids fed and sticky appendages wiped down. Despite a milk spill, our area looked better than when we found it (we didn't want the mall to regret sticking up for us!). Now back to the business of shopping.
We didn't make much progress. Poignant odors emanating from Nat's hinder parts assured us a trip to the bathroom was mandatory. Unfortunately, we were nearly out of wipes. No problem for Doyin. Fifteen minutes and several wads of toilet paper later, Nat emerged fragrance free. Now Michael's turn. Thankfully he had only pee-pee. It took another 5-10 minutes to process all the toiletry needs of the moms and girls but finally everyone was toilet and hands were washed to everyone satisfaction (except for Michael who would still be washing his hands with precious "wa-wa" if mean momma hadn't interrupted his faucet extravaganza).
Now we were back shopping in earnest. The next two hours were interspersed with
"Michael hands off, no you must not pull all the socks out of the bin and NO don't put your finger's in your mouth, you just touched the ground."
"NOOOOO Nat, don't pull all the cars down (why someone has toy cars in a clothing store???)"
"YIKES Michael has pulled everything off this rack."
"WAAAAA WAAAAAAA."
"Oh no, Michael's fallen AGAIN."
"Where's Michael/Nathaniel/Amy/Anu......"
Somehow we still managed to find a few articles we deemed suitable to try on. Frankly, I was relieved to be headed to the fitting room--at least it would keep the two boys confined. As the area was quiet and the rooms themselves seemed void of customers, I allowed the boys to open and close the doors. This freedom gave them great delight--and also gave us a momentary reprieve just sufficient to model our loot. Most items didn't work--necessitating a quick trip to find more appropriate sizes. While we were gone, a fellow customer slipped into the handicapped fitting stall to quickly try on a few items. Unfortunately, she was VERY quiet, and more unfortunately she didn't lock her door. Since I had JUST been in the room, both boys thought it fair game to explore at our return, which resulted in a very surprised half-clothed lady finding herself face to face with two excited little 18 mo old boys and their VERY embarrassed mother(s) (Doyin was in her own fitting stall when this event occurred). I did my best to adequately apologize and the lady was very gracious but the changing room was vacated a bit more promptly than probably originally planned.
By now, we had pretty much used our probationary time. The children were DONE shopping. I mean DONE. Both boys were crying, Anu was pouting, and Amy was contankerous. It was time to wrap up and check out. By now we had TWO shopping carts and TWO strollers. Nat was placed in a shopping cart, Michael and Amy in the two strollers. Anu was commissioned to push Michael's stroller. I pushed Amy's and pulled one of the shopping carts. Doyin pulled the other cart with screaming Nat. We made it to the register around 4:30pm (fully 1 hour and 30 minutes past our projected stop time!). Of course, Nat had to have another blow out stool just as we started ringing up my items. Doyin rushed him to the bathroom while I stayed to pay. Since we were shopping sears, I tried to pay for my clothes with my sears mastercard. It didn't go through. I immediately offered to pay with another card, but the cashier didn't want that and insisted on calling the sears mastercard hot line. TEN MINUTES LATER, my card was finally cleared for payment. By now, Nat was back and Michael had let himself out of the stroller. The boys were reeking havoc with the exhibits adjacent to our counter. I tolerated it with occasional remonstrances until they suddenly both bolted for the outside door--freedom! That was a bit too impudent and both boys were immediately deprived of any opportunity of further escape. The straps attached to all shopping carts became convenient restraints. Unfortunately, the boys weren't too happy with this new change in freedom and decided to let the whole store know about their distinct displeasure. They were such pictures of misery: tears streaming down their cheeks and heart rending sobs of "momma, dow, dow, dow." Anu seemed to think the arrangement a bit unfair as well and soon she was joining in the requiem. Not to be left out, Amy found her lack of an appropriate lunch to be especially troubling and added her wails of "Mommy, I'm hungry" to the discord.
Added to the hubbub, we had difficulty with three of the items Doyin wanted to purchase (not the correct size) and another clerk was called over to order them--which took an additional 20 minutes. Then the clerk who started ringing up Doyin's order left half way through (while we were checking on sizes and whether we could order them) and so the new clerk didn't know which item's he had already charged. Oh and of course my credit card didn't work AGAIN....
Somehow, someway all purchased items were accounted for, all the correct sizes ordered, and my credit card finally worked. It was 5:30. Despite it all as we walked to the car Doyin and I felt victorious: We made it through ONE store!!!!!
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