Funeral catastraphe
Somehow, over the last two years, I twice managed to create a dichotomously funny situation at two very sad events the funeral of my neighbor and the funeral of a well-loved church members. The first funeral faux pas was with our neighbor when we went to the WRONG funeral home for the viewing. We didn't figure out we were in the wrong place UNTIL we realized we saw the MALE name on the name placard (I think I did a post about this somewhere).
This last weekend, however, took the cake for funeral catastrophes. Very last minute, I was asked to accompany two violins on Amazing Grace for the funeral of a much loved church member. I practiced every second I had, but a 24 hour notice isn't long to prepare a piece. However, by the morning of the funeral, I could play it pretty well as long as we went slowly (which I figured wouldn't be bad for a funeral). Unfortunately, I couldn't find anyone to watch my two kids, who both were coughing quite badly (and had mycoplasm pneumonia I didn't diagnose until a bit later...) so the three of us sallied forth.
We arrived at the funeral home almost an hour before the funeral was to start but couldn't get into the chapel to practice until 10 minutes before start time. That's when we discovered that the piano was in a miked closet which did not communicate with the chapel except via a window with unmovable wooden slats. OK, violins would play in the closet with me. Practice went OK (except they played it WAY too fast for my comfort level, but at least we stayed together). Then the sound person came out and stated that the violins needed to be OUTSIDE the closet because people should be able to see the violins. Not OK because outside the closet they couldn't hear me, I couldn't hear them, but the audience could hear us both. I should have immediately abandoned project and insist the violins play an unaccompanied piece (unfortunately, I always think about these things a little too late). However, I agreed to give it a quick try. We ran through the piece once and somehow managed to end together. The sound dude insisted it sounded great. The funeral was to start in minutes, so we decided to make it a go and do it anyway.
I took Amy and Michael out to the main chapel to respectfully wait for the funeral to start. That's when trouble began. As the pallbearers started solemnly down the isle, Amy entered a coughing fit. I tried to stifle the sound a bit by putting my hand over her mouth but to limited avail. Coughs racked her poor little body. People began to shift uncomfortably in their pews. Heads turned slightly to figure out where the commotion was coming from. I finally hauled her outside where she continued to cough almost uncontrollably for another 5 minutes. Finally it subsided.
We quietly sneaked back into the chapel and sat on the very back row. Somehow I had to make it to about the middle of the service. Amy was quiet for about 3 minutes, when the coughing started again. This time I didn't wait, I covered her mouth and quickly exited before we made a big commotion. This was repeated at least 2 more times. Then it was time for us to play and I had a dilemma. Originally, I had planned to leave the kids sitting on the front row while I played (I've done this before at church, and they've behaved themselves quite well for limited periods of time). Usually, however, I've been sitting there with them prepping them about what's coming up. This time, I had been in and out and hadn't had a chance to prepare them for what was coming. I had only seconds to make up my mind: both kids would just have to come back into the little closet with me and sit on the floor while I played.
As quickly and quietly as possible, I made my way down a side isle to the little closet door. The violinists were already at the front, ready to go. I plopped Michael on the floor and Amy sat down beside him. I motioned them both to be quiet since the room was miked. So far so good. I started into the introduction hoping the violinists could hear the piano enough to come in on time. About 2 measures into the piece, I felt a slight bump on my arm. I glanced over to see Michael standing beside me, hand in motion to bang on the upper registries.
NO MICHAEL! I whispered as loudly as I dared. Using my elbow, I shoved him away. Unfortunately, as he stepped away, he tripped over a cord on the floor and went tumbling to the ground.
I continued to play, but could hear an ominous gasping sound. I turned around and Michael's face was contorted and almost purple (he has an amazing breath holding spell just prior to a loud scream!).
"OH NO." I thought desperately, but there was NOTHING I could do but continue to pound out the piece and brace for the inevitable which would be amplified for all to hear...
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MOMMEEEEEEEEEEEE"
"Mommy, Michael's crying!" Amy stated mater of factly.
"I know," I whispered loudly. "Keep him quiet!"
It was no use, Michael thought he was grievously injured and he was going to make sure I knew (and everyone else as well).
Suddenly the door burst open, a women I knew from church swooped him in her arms, and disappeared. Grateful for the rescue, I continued to pound away praying that somehow we would still be together. Now that the room was quiet, I tried to catch where the violins were in the piece. Playing as softly as I dared I was just able to pick out the first violinist. Scanning my music frantically I made a horrible discovery, they were three measures ahead of me. Quickly, I transitioned to where they were as gracefully as possible and continued to the end of the piece. I breathed a sigh of relief as I played the last note, but it didn't last long. The violins continued. Oh no. We were supposed to end TOGETHER. I glanced back at the music and realized they were actually now three measures BEHIND me. Somehow I'd thought the second violin was the first violin and we had actually been TOGETHER when I jumped ahead. AAAHHHH. And it was all miked to the audience.
Somehow I managed to sneak out of there with Amy and collect tear stained Michael (once he was outside, he calmed down quickly and was actually smiling when I arrived). I didn't stay for the end of the funeral. It was just too painful to sit in there and then have to face all those poor people. Some things are just better dealt with in private.
As I drove home I made two vows: 1) I will NEVER accompany anyone I can't see OR hear and 2) I will make sure I ALWAYS have someone to keep my kids when I go up to play the piano.
This last weekend, however, took the cake for funeral catastrophes. Very last minute, I was asked to accompany two violins on Amazing Grace for the funeral of a much loved church member. I practiced every second I had, but a 24 hour notice isn't long to prepare a piece. However, by the morning of the funeral, I could play it pretty well as long as we went slowly (which I figured wouldn't be bad for a funeral). Unfortunately, I couldn't find anyone to watch my two kids, who both were coughing quite badly (and had mycoplasm pneumonia I didn't diagnose until a bit later...) so the three of us sallied forth.
We arrived at the funeral home almost an hour before the funeral was to start but couldn't get into the chapel to practice until 10 minutes before start time. That's when we discovered that the piano was in a miked closet which did not communicate with the chapel except via a window with unmovable wooden slats. OK, violins would play in the closet with me. Practice went OK (except they played it WAY too fast for my comfort level, but at least we stayed together). Then the sound person came out and stated that the violins needed to be OUTSIDE the closet because people should be able to see the violins. Not OK because outside the closet they couldn't hear me, I couldn't hear them, but the audience could hear us both. I should have immediately abandoned project and insist the violins play an unaccompanied piece (unfortunately, I always think about these things a little too late). However, I agreed to give it a quick try. We ran through the piece once and somehow managed to end together. The sound dude insisted it sounded great. The funeral was to start in minutes, so we decided to make it a go and do it anyway.
I took Amy and Michael out to the main chapel to respectfully wait for the funeral to start. That's when trouble began. As the pallbearers started solemnly down the isle, Amy entered a coughing fit. I tried to stifle the sound a bit by putting my hand over her mouth but to limited avail. Coughs racked her poor little body. People began to shift uncomfortably in their pews. Heads turned slightly to figure out where the commotion was coming from. I finally hauled her outside where she continued to cough almost uncontrollably for another 5 minutes. Finally it subsided.
We quietly sneaked back into the chapel and sat on the very back row. Somehow I had to make it to about the middle of the service. Amy was quiet for about 3 minutes, when the coughing started again. This time I didn't wait, I covered her mouth and quickly exited before we made a big commotion. This was repeated at least 2 more times. Then it was time for us to play and I had a dilemma. Originally, I had planned to leave the kids sitting on the front row while I played (I've done this before at church, and they've behaved themselves quite well for limited periods of time). Usually, however, I've been sitting there with them prepping them about what's coming up. This time, I had been in and out and hadn't had a chance to prepare them for what was coming. I had only seconds to make up my mind: both kids would just have to come back into the little closet with me and sit on the floor while I played.
As quickly and quietly as possible, I made my way down a side isle to the little closet door. The violinists were already at the front, ready to go. I plopped Michael on the floor and Amy sat down beside him. I motioned them both to be quiet since the room was miked. So far so good. I started into the introduction hoping the violinists could hear the piano enough to come in on time. About 2 measures into the piece, I felt a slight bump on my arm. I glanced over to see Michael standing beside me, hand in motion to bang on the upper registries.
NO MICHAEL! I whispered as loudly as I dared. Using my elbow, I shoved him away. Unfortunately, as he stepped away, he tripped over a cord on the floor and went tumbling to the ground.
I continued to play, but could hear an ominous gasping sound. I turned around and Michael's face was contorted and almost purple (he has an amazing breath holding spell just prior to a loud scream!).
"OH NO." I thought desperately, but there was NOTHING I could do but continue to pound out the piece and brace for the inevitable which would be amplified for all to hear...
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MOMMEEEEEEEEEEEE"
"Mommy, Michael's crying!" Amy stated mater of factly.
"I know," I whispered loudly. "Keep him quiet!"
It was no use, Michael thought he was grievously injured and he was going to make sure I knew (and everyone else as well).
Suddenly the door burst open, a women I knew from church swooped him in her arms, and disappeared. Grateful for the rescue, I continued to pound away praying that somehow we would still be together. Now that the room was quiet, I tried to catch where the violins were in the piece. Playing as softly as I dared I was just able to pick out the first violinist. Scanning my music frantically I made a horrible discovery, they were three measures ahead of me. Quickly, I transitioned to where they were as gracefully as possible and continued to the end of the piece. I breathed a sigh of relief as I played the last note, but it didn't last long. The violins continued. Oh no. We were supposed to end TOGETHER. I glanced back at the music and realized they were actually now three measures BEHIND me. Somehow I'd thought the second violin was the first violin and we had actually been TOGETHER when I jumped ahead. AAAHHHH. And it was all miked to the audience.
Somehow I managed to sneak out of there with Amy and collect tear stained Michael (once he was outside, he calmed down quickly and was actually smiling when I arrived). I didn't stay for the end of the funeral. It was just too painful to sit in there and then have to face all those poor people. Some things are just better dealt with in private.
As I drove home I made two vows: 1) I will NEVER accompany anyone I can't see OR hear and 2) I will make sure I ALWAYS have someone to keep my kids when I go up to play the piano.
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